Why I'm negative
1. Ingrid isn't home with me.
2. I don't know where Ingrid is. If I know FOR SURE that she is FOREVER in a safe and loving family, I can rest a little easier.
3. I cannot afford to try adopting again. My agency STOLE my money and NEVER EVEN FILED A POWER OF ATTORNEY! I was waiting for fourteen months, but I was NEVER in the process to adopt a child.
4. I trusted. I believed. I waited. I was patient. I tried to believe G-d's plan. But I'm ALL ALONE, no child at home despite my waiting.
Please don't tell me to be positive. Please don't tell me it's all in His timing. Please don't tell me it's because of His plan for me. Because to someone who's tried to adopt and FAILED TWICE, it sounds like He doesn't believe I'm capable of being a parent. When you tell me that it's all the power of my thinking, it sounds like I did something wrong. And I did NOTHING WRONG, except (1)accept Grisha's referral when he wasn't the "child of my dreams," because I wanted to help HIM find a family; (2) trust the references for this agency; (3) sign with this agency; and (4) agree last April that Ingrid was so special she was worth waiting an extra month or so for.
In LIFE, I'm not so negative. About my adoption experience, there's NOTHING BUT NEGATIVE. So please don't make me feel worse.
2. I don't know where Ingrid is. If I know FOR SURE that she is FOREVER in a safe and loving family, I can rest a little easier.
3. I cannot afford to try adopting again. My agency STOLE my money and NEVER EVEN FILED A POWER OF ATTORNEY! I was waiting for fourteen months, but I was NEVER in the process to adopt a child.
4. I trusted. I believed. I waited. I was patient. I tried to believe G-d's plan. But I'm ALL ALONE, no child at home despite my waiting.
Please don't tell me to be positive. Please don't tell me it's all in His timing. Please don't tell me it's because of His plan for me. Because to someone who's tried to adopt and FAILED TWICE, it sounds like He doesn't believe I'm capable of being a parent. When you tell me that it's all the power of my thinking, it sounds like I did something wrong. And I did NOTHING WRONG, except (1)accept Grisha's referral when he wasn't the "child of my dreams," because I wanted to help HIM find a family; (2) trust the references for this agency; (3) sign with this agency; and (4) agree last April that Ingrid was so special she was worth waiting an extra month or so for.
In LIFE, I'm not so negative. About my adoption experience, there's NOTHING BUT NEGATIVE. So please don't make me feel worse.
posted by Stacy @ 4:21 PM
3 Comments:
At 9:38 AM,
Suzanne said…
You did nothing wrong. And sometimes, you just need to feel what you feel, whether bad or good.
Suzanne
At 3:58 AM,
ale said…
You've every right to feel that way. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to hear about "His plan." That is not how it works. You're simply a victim, you didn't call it upon yourself, and of course you don't deserve it.
At 11:04 PM,
Stacy said…
It's such a comforting feeling to know that I acted exactly the way I hoped I would. It's not a matter of positive or negative thinking. This is my reality, and right now I'm truly shocked at my own strength of character.
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