On the media

It seems that many people with adoption horror stories go to the media. I've seen episodes of 20/20, Dr. Phil, and Montel since my process started alone! And just this week there was something I missed on CNN.

And every single newspaper and magazine in the country is now doing stories on adoptions. Poor parents who have paid thousands of dollars and are stuck without a child. Only heartbreak, nothing more to show for it.

Why the interest in adoption stories? I think it's because we all like to see the traffic accident. We don't really want to know anyone died, we just want to see it and gawk. We don't even want to know what happened so we can avoid a similar accident, we just want to sit there open-mouthed.

Some of the stories are heartwarming, so we watch them knowing it's a happy ending. There's always this crescendo, when the viewer thinks nothing else could possibly go wrong but it does, and then all of a sudden there's a miracle and everything works out perfectly in the end. Baby comes home, parents are elated, all is right in the world.

Some of the stories aren't as heartwarming. The family loses the child, the biological family decides not parent (which in itself isn't the heartbreak because at least the child has a loving home, even if it's not with the a-parents), the country laws change, etc. And within minutes after, all is fixed. There is a new referral, or the a-parents get pregnant unexpectedly, or whatever arrangement is made. Why does this happen? No idea. Maybe it's because of negative attention. No one wants negative attention.

I certainly didn't want negative attention. There was a newspaper story when I was hosting Grisha that I was featured in. The bad part was, it was published on the day he left my home. The reporter kept calling me to do a follow-up, but I wouldn't return the call because I didn't want my "failure" as part of the local paper that my students (and their parents) would be reading. (Yes, my students and parents read the article about Grisha. Being the only French teacher in the school, the kids knew their teacher's name before they even got their schedule. Those are the students I still have now, almost 2 years later.) And after Ingrid's referral was lost, that nethertime in between AS telling me and the agency admitting it, I was asked to be a part of that upcoming Dateline story. I said no, because I didn't want the negative attention. I didn't want the entire country to know that I picked a bad agency. I didn't want everyone to know that I was stupid enough to believe a ridiculous story (only ridiculous in hindsight) as to why my case wasn't moving. I didn't want to look like more of a fool for waiting in April, when I had serious doubts about the case, and I certainly didn't want to look like the complete idiot the agency wants to portray me as for not INSISTING IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND BOLD PRINT that I get a new referral when I did start asking for one, in July.

I don't care if I look stupid anymore. I'm ready to talk. I'll name names, also. And I have records, e-mails and the blogs, things that are dated. From multiple sources, including attorneys and government officials. I may not have the dissertation nailed, but the research is definitely here.