Another snow day
Which means I'm stuck in the house again. Which means I'll probably blog a lot again today.
* * * * * * * * * *
Protocolo of Good Practices - I know that most of my readers have their children home, so I don't know if you'd keep up with the "news." I find myself doing it less and less these days. But the word this week is that the Protocolo is going to be announced again in congress this week. Some agencies (probably not mine, mine likes to pretend the Internet is a newspaper where you can read but not respond) are sending clients down or bringing attorneys here to sign the Power of Attorney before Thursday. This Thursday. Which means, if I were to get a referral today (not gonna happen) and sent it to one of those places that will notarize and authenticate and everything in one day, there's no way I'd get paperwork filed in time before Friday's announcement. But more importantly, here's yet another scare that Guatemala will stop adoptions. It's terrifying to those people in process, I remember what that's like. When I started this craziness in 05, there was that Oscars Law thing saying that single women wouldn't be allowed to adopt. Then there's the everpresent threat by our own government that they will stop allowing adoptions from Guatemala because of the Hague thing. And of course UNICEF has their hand in there. And Mr. and Mrs. President constantly bringing up this Protocol thing, I can recall it happening four times since the summer. It's like the boy who cried wolf, they keep saying it's happening but it never does so people don't believe it ever will happen. (It's also like that DNA wait I had, the agency kept saying it's happening but it never did, so when I got the authorization and it turned out to be a lie...)
I think adopting from every country has a similar set of risks and rumors. Russia had that when I was looking at Russia. Agencies weren't getting accreditation from the Russian government and there were threats of all Russians hating all adopting Americans and making ugly scenes. China had that when they changed the rules on who they'd permit to adopt. Those rumors were going around for months before they actually said who can and who cannot adopt from China (I can't). Korea has always been very limited on who can and can't adopt, so it seems that's the most stable right now. But there's also the reports that the country is more stable than it was when adoptions first became popular, so there are luckily less children there looking for forever homes. Vietnam always seems to have similar "will-they-won't-they close" situations, families at the mercy of a G&R date (giving and receiving ceremony, which finalizes the adoption in the country). And domestic adoptions have the risks also - will the birth family pick me? Did the birth mother lie about drug and alcohol use during pregnancy? Will someone from the birth family decide to parent 2 years down the road and the child will be taken away?
All of these threats are very real. People totally have a right to be scared that the adoption they've planned on and prepared for will not happen. And it's not just the money that's lost, it's your heart that's lost. A good agency will help their client who's in that predicament. Most agencies will help you find a child to adopt, because that is their job and that is their passion. I've said it many times, we all go into an adoption process thinking it can't happen to us. But it has to happen to someone, we just hope and pray (and secretly know) it won't be us.
If you stumbled upon my blog because you heard I had a nightmare story and want to know how to avoid it yourself, you won't find that in my story. If you want to know how to avoid my nightmare, find out the agency I used and stay away from them. There are many sites that have information on which are the good and bad agencies. This blog isn't about my bad agency, it's about my life. How I wanted to adopt a daughter. How I loved a girl in Guatemala. How I tried to adopt her but was misled. And how I'm dealing now that I can't adopt her.
If you stumbled upon my blog because you're trying to get more information on adoption, you won't find that here either. I don't know how to adopt, in spite of reading like every book and website on the topic for years. (Yes, I know the steps. I've memorized the steps to several countries' process. I just can't seem to do it right. 'Cause I picked a bad agency, which is why I'm suggesting you find out about agencies! Don't assume because you don't see anything that all must be good with your agency. If you see nothing, it's probably because an agency is known for bullying clients so that they don't talk about you at all.)
If you're in process now, don't worry about it. It's all going to work out the way it's supposed to work out. That may not be the way you want it to work out (I know for me it's definitely not the way I wanted it), but it will work out the way it should. (And I'm still searching for "the reason" it happened to me, but I know there was a reason for it.) There are always going to be bumps in the road, you're always going to be second guessing your choices until your child actually comes home. And once your child comes home, there's a whole new meaning to "bumps" and "guesses." This is parenting, after all. It's much easier for me to say "don't worry about it" because it's not me, I know that. And I remember how much it infuriated me when people would say not to worry or to put it in G-d's hands or anything else like that, because I desperately wanted some control over what was happening to me. I'm a complete control freak, and adoption (like parenting) is totally out of my control. And if you go through my blog you'll see how disgusted I was that I was being so manipulated by my agency.
That being said, here's my suggestions for getting through the "country will close" threat:
1. Pick a good agency (most important).
2. Read everything you can about the country and process (cause you'll do that anyway).
3. Communicate with your agency often. Ask how things are. Set up a regular schedule of when you'll be in contact, like once a week or once every other week. I'd caution to say contact day will be on Friday or Monday, though. Monday, the agency will just be collecting thoughts from the weekend and you'll have spent the entire weekend stressing. Friday, the agency will be planning on two days off and if the news isn't good it will send you spiraling for a week. I'd suggest Tuesday or Thursday for a regular communication day.
4. If you get "bad" news about the country, remember that this is what's going on in the country. As horrible as it may seem to us, this is a governmental thing. You wouldn't want to interfere with their laws, even if you don't agree with them. (And remember that in 15 years when you have a teenager questioning your laws, you want to say, "Because I said so," and you don't want them to remind you about how you questioned the laws in "their" country.)
5. If you get "bad" news from the agency, make sure the agency is telling you the truth. (See my first suggestion. A good agency will not lie. They will tell you the bad things and not sugar coat.)
6. If the worst happens, it sucks. Find out why the worst happened, if there was anything that could have been done differently, and try to make sure this won't happen again. And know that if the worst happens and you've hired a good agency, they will make it all right in the end.
* * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *
Protocolo of Good Practices - I know that most of my readers have their children home, so I don't know if you'd keep up with the "news." I find myself doing it less and less these days. But the word this week is that the Protocolo is going to be announced again in congress this week. Some agencies (probably not mine, mine likes to pretend the Internet is a newspaper where you can read but not respond) are sending clients down or bringing attorneys here to sign the Power of Attorney before Thursday. This Thursday. Which means, if I were to get a referral today (not gonna happen) and sent it to one of those places that will notarize and authenticate and everything in one day, there's no way I'd get paperwork filed in time before Friday's announcement. But more importantly, here's yet another scare that Guatemala will stop adoptions. It's terrifying to those people in process, I remember what that's like. When I started this craziness in 05, there was that Oscars Law thing saying that single women wouldn't be allowed to adopt. Then there's the everpresent threat by our own government that they will stop allowing adoptions from Guatemala because of the Hague thing. And of course UNICEF has their hand in there. And Mr. and Mrs. President constantly bringing up this Protocol thing, I can recall it happening four times since the summer. It's like the boy who cried wolf, they keep saying it's happening but it never does so people don't believe it ever will happen. (It's also like that DNA wait I had, the agency kept saying it's happening but it never did, so when I got the authorization and it turned out to be a lie...)
I think adopting from every country has a similar set of risks and rumors. Russia had that when I was looking at Russia. Agencies weren't getting accreditation from the Russian government and there were threats of all Russians hating all adopting Americans and making ugly scenes. China had that when they changed the rules on who they'd permit to adopt. Those rumors were going around for months before they actually said who can and who cannot adopt from China (I can't). Korea has always been very limited on who can and can't adopt, so it seems that's the most stable right now. But there's also the reports that the country is more stable than it was when adoptions first became popular, so there are luckily less children there looking for forever homes. Vietnam always seems to have similar "will-they-won't-they close" situations, families at the mercy of a G&R date (giving and receiving ceremony, which finalizes the adoption in the country). And domestic adoptions have the risks also - will the birth family pick me? Did the birth mother lie about drug and alcohol use during pregnancy? Will someone from the birth family decide to parent 2 years down the road and the child will be taken away?
All of these threats are very real. People totally have a right to be scared that the adoption they've planned on and prepared for will not happen. And it's not just the money that's lost, it's your heart that's lost. A good agency will help their client who's in that predicament. Most agencies will help you find a child to adopt, because that is their job and that is their passion. I've said it many times, we all go into an adoption process thinking it can't happen to us. But it has to happen to someone, we just hope and pray (and secretly know) it won't be us.
If you stumbled upon my blog because you heard I had a nightmare story and want to know how to avoid it yourself, you won't find that in my story. If you want to know how to avoid my nightmare, find out the agency I used and stay away from them. There are many sites that have information on which are the good and bad agencies. This blog isn't about my bad agency, it's about my life. How I wanted to adopt a daughter. How I loved a girl in Guatemala. How I tried to adopt her but was misled. And how I'm dealing now that I can't adopt her.
If you stumbled upon my blog because you're trying to get more information on adoption, you won't find that here either. I don't know how to adopt, in spite of reading like every book and website on the topic for years. (Yes, I know the steps. I've memorized the steps to several countries' process. I just can't seem to do it right. 'Cause I picked a bad agency, which is why I'm suggesting you find out about agencies! Don't assume because you don't see anything that all must be good with your agency. If you see nothing, it's probably because an agency is known for bullying clients so that they don't talk about you at all.)
If you're in process now, don't worry about it. It's all going to work out the way it's supposed to work out. That may not be the way you want it to work out (I know for me it's definitely not the way I wanted it), but it will work out the way it should. (And I'm still searching for "the reason" it happened to me, but I know there was a reason for it.) There are always going to be bumps in the road, you're always going to be second guessing your choices until your child actually comes home. And once your child comes home, there's a whole new meaning to "bumps" and "guesses." This is parenting, after all. It's much easier for me to say "don't worry about it" because it's not me, I know that. And I remember how much it infuriated me when people would say not to worry or to put it in G-d's hands or anything else like that, because I desperately wanted some control over what was happening to me. I'm a complete control freak, and adoption (like parenting) is totally out of my control. And if you go through my blog you'll see how disgusted I was that I was being so manipulated by my agency.
That being said, here's my suggestions for getting through the "country will close" threat:
1. Pick a good agency (most important).
2. Read everything you can about the country and process (cause you'll do that anyway).
3. Communicate with your agency often. Ask how things are. Set up a regular schedule of when you'll be in contact, like once a week or once every other week. I'd caution to say contact day will be on Friday or Monday, though. Monday, the agency will just be collecting thoughts from the weekend and you'll have spent the entire weekend stressing. Friday, the agency will be planning on two days off and if the news isn't good it will send you spiraling for a week. I'd suggest Tuesday or Thursday for a regular communication day.
4. If you get "bad" news about the country, remember that this is what's going on in the country. As horrible as it may seem to us, this is a governmental thing. You wouldn't want to interfere with their laws, even if you don't agree with them. (And remember that in 15 years when you have a teenager questioning your laws, you want to say, "Because I said so," and you don't want them to remind you about how you questioned the laws in "their" country.)
5. If you get "bad" news from the agency, make sure the agency is telling you the truth. (See my first suggestion. A good agency will not lie. They will tell you the bad things and not sugar coat.)
6. If the worst happens, it sucks. Find out why the worst happened, if there was anything that could have been done differently, and try to make sure this won't happen again. And know that if the worst happens and you've hired a good agency, they will make it all right in the end.
* * * * * * * * * *
posted by Stacy @ 8:06 AM
2 Comments:
At 2:13 AM,
Dee said…
One more thing for your list: If you can, pick an agency that works in more than one country. Countries do occasionally stop adoptions or change their requirements with little or no warning. If it happens, you will have some options without having to pay all of the initial fees again to another agency.
At 8:17 AM,
Stacy said…
My problem with my agency has nothing to do with the country shutting down (although, of course, that is a thing to consider when choosing an agency). One of the reasons I selected this agency was they only did Guatemala, so I was taking that as they really knew the "ins and outs" of the system. Only to find that the "ins and outs" they were referring to was how to skirt their laws and which unethical practices they could get away with. While I agree that some larger agencies may be beneficial right now with the instability in so many countries (mostly Guatemala this week), that fact has nothing to do with my problems. MY AGENCY WON'T DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE, since they have their money they're happy and apparently don't have to deal with their PAYING CLIENT. And if you have an agency like that, they won't give you another referral REGARDLESS of the country. My agency could have given me another referral for the past EIGHT months, but for the first six months of that they didn't hear my request, for the next month they played this refund-or-referral game, and for the past month they've just ignored me.
It's a nice idea to be able to change countries if necessary without losing money. It's MUCH MORE IMPORTANT to get an agency that will SUPPORT YOU IN BAD CIRCUMSTANCES.
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