Losing Ingrid

I'm not waiting for her anymore. BIG BIG problems with the paperwork that have marred this case almost from the beginning. I'm now trying to deal with the reality that Ingrid will never be my daughter.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I can't decide...

...which year-old post I want to repost today. This is the anniversary of the absolute worst day of my entire process. One year ago, I found out that it was all a lie. (Well, I found out some more lies several months later when I hired AS. But today was when I found out that IT was a lie.) These are not the complete posts. They're just the parts where I should have WOKEN UP!

Feel free not to read this. I'm just reliving it. Trying to accept it and move past it. Trying to see why I was SO GULLIBLE that I was so easily scammed. If you get anything from reading my blog, get this: If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's not a chicken in a costume - it really is a duck!

March 27, 2006 - Post title: No DNA news again.
Angel posted today that she's worried her lawyer can't get through the Embassy. I tried to respond but it's not working (again, probably something with my school network). Here's my response:
"No need to feel like your attorney is the only one who can't get through. I'm still not 100% sure I have the DNA authorization and it isn't just another delay from the attorney's office intended to stop me from hiring Adoption Supervisors. My agency director said she'd find out for sure today, but she hasn't e-mailed me yet (no surprise there). And there's nothing posted to my credit card, which is what the director said they'd do when they receive the fax so Ingrid's appointment can be scheduled. It's just SO nervewracking. But to be honest, I'm definitely not as anxious about it. I guess you really do "forget" all of this, if I'm more at ease at just the idea of DNA."
That's right, I still haven't heard about the authorization for sure. I'm choosing to believe that I really did get it, even though I don't have any real proof (in the form of someone having seen it, or in a charge to my account to pay for the test). It wouldn't surprise me much if I didn't really have it but the attorney's office is saying I do, because they're trying to stall me. BUT, I'm looking optimistically (for a change) and assuming I have it.
2007 Update - Yes, you do "forget."

March 28, 2006 - Post title: Why haven't I heard anything?
When reading this post, keep in mind that I'm a doctoral student. We research theories. We develop theories. We use theories to support everything we do. These are my theories as to why I haven't heard anything from my agency since Friday, when the last thing said was they'll find out for sure by Monday if not sooner:
Theory #1 - I didn't get DNA. It was a mistake, not my case. Sorry.
Theory #2 - The attorney was just stalling. I didn't get DNA, there's been absolutely no progress on my case for the past three months, and now they're looking for a new and unique way to explain it to me.
Theory #3 - The adoption agency is closed this week because everyone has Spring Fever, so no one was able to find out or return my e-mail. But I did get DNA, they told me not to worry so why was I being so neurotic?
Theory #4 - The agency is annoyed because the attorney is stalling. And no one there wants to deal with me, so they're not answering my e-mail.
Theory #5 - Ingrid is just never coming home, so they're just putting on all of these pretenses and making up more delays that might seem reasonable to someone who doesn't know any better and is desperate to be a mom. Maybe they can put this off for another 13 and a half years, so Ingrid will be 18 and then she can move here herself.
2007 Update - Does anyone else feel sick to their stomach when they read this?

March 29, 2006 - Post title: "When you're negative and you're right, it's called REALISTIC."
Nope, I didn't get the DNA authorization. The attorney lied to the agency. Or the agency lied to me. Or whatever. Bottom line is, NO authorization. Short version is that the birthmother has to cancel an old ID something or other, which may take a week. Longer version is, WHO CARES???? IS MY DAUGHTER EVEN COMING HOME???????????????????????????????? E V E R????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but really, this is totally out of hand

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