Painfully aware

July 3. I know this date. I know it too well.

July 3, 2006 - I asked for a new referral. Actually, first thing I did was write out what I would say to the agency when I called. No answer (of course), so I left a message. Got an e-mail minutes later (coincidence?) saying they didn't hear me. I sent the e-mail. I was told it was my decision to wait (not true, well half true because I was trusting their professional judgement, which is what I PAID them for). "We can certainly talk about a new referral but the other case will be approved in a matter of days." Within days it was clear that the agency would never give me another referral. It was six months later until the agency flat-out started to ignore me. But July 3, that was the date I admitted to myself that it was over with Ingrid. I held out hope for over five more months, even for the two months after Adoption Supervisors told me it was over I still hoped. I hoped until it was clear my agency would not respond to me.