So then what'd ya do?

I immediately typed out a response to Joanne, but I didn't send it. I saved it. It's raw.

Then I posted on my blog.

Then I typed another response to Joanne. Still didn't send it. Still too raw.

Then I had to run errands. I had to drive all over my county to find a copy of Beauty and the Beast to show for the French club, it had all been arranged previously so I couldn't just go home and cry. I knew for two months that this day would eventually come, but I really thought that at least I'd get the option of a new referral. Finally, the option that I've been asking about for MONTHS but Joanne refused to hear or listen. I called some friends while I ran the errands and cried to them, but in honesty I had been preparing for that day for months.

I didn't send Joanne a response that night. I needed to process what happened. Figure out how to word things, because any way I could think of was not the words I'd like to use professionally. And this is business, so I wanted to be professional. You can imagine the words I'd like to use, many of them have four letters and I probably would have used various forms of a word starting with f. (BTW, the responses I wrote but did not send weren't full of curses. They just weren't the tone I'd like to use.) I did not rush to answer Joanne, since this news was TWO MONTHS forthcoming. If she could wait five days to tell me DNA authorization was a lie, and she could wait one week to tell me what happened when the bmother was interviewed by the "reviewer" at PGN, and she could wait two months to tell me this case would never be approved, I surely had the right to sleep on my response to this devastating news. (PAPs are always complaining about the "lack of communication" from the agency. Talk about turning the tables.)

The next morning at 9:01 AM (11 working minutes after she sent me that e-mail), she sent this follow-up:
We have sent you three separate emails and you have not responded to any of them. That is fine if you do not want to respond but please let us know if you are getting them. Thank you.

I sent my response:
It seems you do not feel you will be able to find a child for me to adopt. Therefore, I will accept your offer to refund me $8,000 of the money I paid. Thank you.Stacy
I also included the part of her e-mail where she gave me the refund option.

Joanne responded:
I am so sorry for this. There is a girl but she is with the same original office and I doubt that you want to work with them...we sure do not but we would for you. What are your plans? Can we refer you to another agency or ???? We will work on getting your dossier back even if it is expired so you have the documents....do not want those floating around Guatemala any longer. Have you talked with (the fmother)? What can we do to ease this terrible situation?
Notice the change in tone. This second e-mail was sent twelve minutes after her previous one. Strange, huh? Seems like a different person wrote it. The first e-mail seemed accusatory, this one seems so compassionate. Which part of this e-mail do you like best?

• The part where she says she sure doesn't want to work with this same office but she would for me? Cause since then, I've heard she continues to work with this same office. If she would only be willing to work with them for me, why is she working for them without me?
• The part where she wants to refer me to another agency? 'Cause I trust her after what she did with my homestudy update. Like I don't know enough people in the Guat adoption world who can refer me to another agency. (Remember, I already HAVE another agency!)
• The part where she'll get my dossier back? 'Cause I still don't have it back and it's over a year later. (Wait for another few updates to the blog and you'll have a better idea of where my dossier really is.)
• The part where she asks if I've spoken with the fmother? 'Cause she knew for months that the fmother wouldn't answer my phone calls because she was afraid of Thanassis. And she knew that the fmother changed her phone number, because Joanne tried calling herself. And a few months later, she actually told another family that I was calling the fmother too much, yet here's another instance where she's telling me to call the fmother!
• The part where she asks what she can do to ease this terrible situation? (I think that's my favorite part. It's so full of response that I can't even put it into words.)

I responded politely: Please refund the money, and if possible retrieve my expired documents. Thank you.

She responded in tone #2: I will get this handled by Friday. We will have the dossier sent from GC by Friday as well. I will personally handle this.
What are your plans going forward ?

I have several options I have been working on for the past few months.
Thank you in advance for retrieving everything for me. I will expect it early next week?

I said that we would have the funds sent to you by the end of the week and that we would get the office to send the dossier back. So you will have them next week. As a reminder, these funds are coming directly from our account. I need to email or fax you an agreement to sign to settle the issue so you can not come back later - sorry that is from our atty. I will have them send that out by tomorrow.

My fax number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. Thank you again.

That was the last e-mail for the day. Time of Joanne's last e-mail: 9:38 AM. A total of 37 minutes had passed. And then I went to teach, and my last e-mail was sent at 11:28, the beginning of my next prep period.

The ONLY things that have been changed from the e-mails were taking out the name of the fmother and taking out my fax number. Oh, and I took out Joanne's signature which includes her agency name and website, and phone number. (Why repeat them?)

As per this e-mail exchange:

1. Was I rude in any way?
2. Was I demanding?
3. Did Joanne imply the only way I could have a new referral was to go through Big T, and that she does not want to work with him anymore but would do me a favor by working with him?
4. Did Joanne say I'd have my refund and my dossier by the following week? (Isn't that a year ago NOW? And I'm still waiting.)
5. Did Joanne say that I will have to sign an agreement from the attorney so that I can't come back later? And that the agreement would go out by December 13, 2006? (What's today's date?)
6. And then I gave her my fax number so that she could fax the agreement that very minute - because it was my intention to sign the agreement and not my intention to "come back later"?

Really. Tell me what I did that was not amenable. Considering I knew my POA had never been registered and that Joanne in fact had completely scammed me, I was totally open to her refund arrangement where I'd still be losing money. What did I do wrong here?